ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
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