She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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