I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Randomize
