I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
