Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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