Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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