wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Randomize
