just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
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