I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
