Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
