Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
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