she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
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