I faked an abortion last night.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
True college students do jello shots in the library
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