I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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