I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
