i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
