I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
