just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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