fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
party gras won. party gras always wins.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
