whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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