Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
