I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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