Someone shit on the floor
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
