my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
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