Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
He uses pillows to masturbate.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
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