so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
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