Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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