First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
