The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
