literally had 100 drinks last night.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Randomize
