On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Randomize
