sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
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