Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Randomize
