fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Randomize
