ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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