so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Randomize
