Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
