If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
