It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
