I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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