Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
