wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
