I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
