i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
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