He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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