Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
