I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Randomize
