I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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