i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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