I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
