How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
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