I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
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