apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
