I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
